How setting your values can help you perform better on the mats
Values are your compass. They help you make decisions, define your authentic self, and dealing with adversity. Choosing your values is a tool for maintaining integrity to yourself even when navigating unknown terrain.
Incoming anecdote! I was a girI scout from the ages of 3-17 and it was the only commitment I carried from my childhood to adulthood. It gave me the opportunity to: learn somewhat useful skills, practice teamwork, express myself, and be physical since I didn’t play any sports. One of those physical things was orienteering, a type of cross-country running with checkpoints that you must find using a map and a compass. It requires you to figure out where you are in the world, where you want to go, and a way to get there without roads or trails. It taught me how to plan a route for what I wanted, even when there were no sure paths to get there.
Which is likely why I chose to dedicate my life to an unregulated sport like jiu jitsu and pursue an unconventional path of mental performance consultant. Much like a compass, values provide similar support when navigating life’s choices.
HOW TO SET YOUR VALUES
Scan through this long and intimidating list of values and write down which ones stick out. Once you have a list, comb through and pick ones that define your core way of being, your personality, beliefs, priorities. Values are fluid, so focus on the present moment. What are your needs? What do you believe is necessary to live your most authentic life? Whatever you choose, make sure it comes from you and not some other influence.
Continue paring down the list until you have 3. Yes, only three. The ones you cross off are still important to you, but what is more important right now?
If you would like to aim this exercise towards jiu jitsu, think about the type of performances you want to have, the qualities you want to exhibit, and what you’d like to be known for.
HOW TO USE YOUR VALUES IN TRAINING
Let’s say you have to make a tough decision. You love your training partners but the instructor is too aloof and you have goals of competing so you need intensity in your rolls. Do you leave your gym for a more competitive environment? Do you have a conversation with the coach about your needs? Do you elect to run a comp class? Do you make do with what you have considering that training partners you actually trust are few and far between?
Now let’s take into account your values. If your first value is joy, you might stay at your gym with your training partners because they make training enjoyable. If your first value is growth, you might take the leap and try something new for the sake of experience and development because your comfort zone offers nothing new. If your first value is perseverance. you might see that staying at your gym is the challenge because you don’t have a lot of resources for competition. You can still compete and if you lose, you’ll make it a point to keep trying despite undesirable results.
HOW TO USE YOUR VALUES IN COMPETITION
Values are a way to define our philosophy. What’s your competition philosophy? Do you think submitting your opponent is more demonstrative of skill than winning by points? Are you more inclined to give up points for the chance to submit? Is there a limit to how mean you will get towards your opponent? Is it important to shake the other coach’s hand? How important is winning? Is it worth getting injured? Your character comes out when things get tough and combat sports are tough. What’s going to shine? Your love of the sport or your discipline? Your sportsmanship or your confidence?
Values can also help you understand your motivation, which is the direction and intensity of your effort. Why are you competing? Is it to prove something to others? Is it to experience the thrill? Is it because you’re good at it? Is it because you desire notoriety? Go back to the initial values of joy, growth, and perseverance. You enjoy it, it provides an experience for growth, and you gain satisfaction from doing hard things.
If your values are externally regulated or you are motivated more by external things, your effort is determined by things you cannot control like results, praise, or even punishment. If you’ve ever told yourself “just don’t lose” or “just don’t get submitted”, your path to success is more determined by what not to do than what TO do. Approach, rather than avoid. Equally, what you approach matters as well.
Two researchers named Richard Ryan and Edward Deci studied motivation in the early 2000’s and found that those who focus on what they can control not only reach their goals more often, they’re more likely to enjoy the process getting there. This is because motivation that stems from within is more reliable and self-determined than motivation that stems from rewards or punishment. Enjoyment of the competition process is a lot more sustainable than simply avoiding loss and embarrassment.
REVISIT THE VALUES PROCESS REGULARLY
Values change and that’s okay. Sometimes it is by choice and sometimes it is by circumstance, but our priorities and what we care about shift over time. The compass may need some fine tuning now and again, you know?
If you’d like some help with the values process and how to implement value-based approaches in your performance, book a call with me!
Mental health advocates in combat sports
What combat sport athletes have openly spoken about mental health?
Living with mental illness in the world of combat sports is not a unique endeavor. I wish I could say I was the craziest there ever was, or that I have the most wars to battle in my own mind. But there are a lot of us.
My story, although told a bunch, is not unique. That’s not to say I’ve told everything because I certainly haven’t, but a collective voice is much more impactful.
I wanted to see how many successful people in the combat sports world also struggle with mental illness. The ones who have spoken out about it, at least.
I’ve compiled a list of articles that pertain to mental illness within the combat sports community. If you’re at all a fan, you’ll know most of these names.
I started training jiu jitsu because it alleviated my depression and anxiety, or as I like to call it, self hatred. But I didn’t even know this until a year or two into training. That’s because I didn’t seek out professional help until after I started training, so there’s no way I understood the full power of what I had started. White belt to blue belt, I was addicted to jiu jitsu and had no idea why. I wanted to do nothing else. I later realized it was because I felt self-worth for the first time in a long time.
Jiu jitsu wasn’t my therapy but it was definitely my gateway to therapy. I took action in my life by signing up for jiu jitsu and it all started from that decision. I learned that I had control over my life, that I could choose my own path and that’s what I would do. And I’ve stuck with it since that day.
Now in mma, the mindset is no different. I want to see what I am capable of doing despite my mental hurdles and struggles. I’m not cured, and there are definitely parts of the mma lifestyle that exacerbate my anxieties, but the feeling of achievement is worth it.
I am an advocate but so are all these people listed above. Some have donated their time to charity, and some have simply made a tweet about seeing a psychiatrist.
All it takes is a conversation, a post, a blog, a picture. Just a little disclosure, a small percentage of vulnerability, a glimpse of your personal story, and you’ve helped eliminate the stigma against mental illness. And maybe you’ve educated someone just a tad on mental health or made it seem normal to see a therapist or take antidepressants. What little you say, I don’t really care. Just talk about it.
Because I live in a gym
MMA is a different animal than jiu jitsu but I’ve come prepared and six months in, I know I’m with the right team on the right path.
Photo by @vagabondarchive
That’s my disclaimer for the time being. I’m never home because I live in a gym. I know I’m dedicated to the MMA lifestyle because I live in my gym. I am literally the brokest I’ve ever been and so I live in my gym.
It’s been six months since I began training for an MMA career. It hasn’t been a breeze but it has been the most fulfilling time in my life. There are accomplishments in my past that are fulfilling, yeah. But in terms of the process, the day-to-day life I have while achieving this particular dream of mine, I am truly enjoying it more than any other times.
I find it hard to speak about this life without comparing it to my former lifestyle— my life as a jiu jitsu competitor. It completely prepared me for this moment and this new chapter. I owe so much to it.
I’ve never been great with discipline. It’s a trait one can develop, but it really doesn’t stick for me. I am fueled by my emotions more often than not so I have to get around those damn feelings without slacking or finding excuses to not work hard. And success in jiu jitsu accepted no excuses from me during the past ten years. I had to find the difference between self care and distraction, when I was giving myself time to recover versus when I was just being weak or lazy. It’s a very thin line.
Photo by @vagabondarchive
Cobrinha showed me a life of discipline and guided me even at my most stubborn moments. We don’t always see eye to eye but opinions don’t matter when we’re talking about hard work. You either do it or you don’t. As a blue belt he made me so confident in my abilities and my future that I abandoned my search for a job and threw myself into the hustle of full-time bjj competition. This meant a lot of training, a lot of drilling, and no distractions beyond what was absolutely necessary like, say, my college courses. If you want your dreams to come true, do the work. Do it consistently, do it wisely, and do it with everything you have.
People like Cobrinha dedicate themselves to their work and their craft. It is truly their first priority. I’ve learned from these kinds of people, I’ve dated them, I’ve trained alongside them. And I’m not entirely like them. You could easily argue that what they seek is fueled by obsession more than just dedication. That’s another fine line. All of these people with his quality have success and those that have spent their energy guiding me along with them for however long at a time, I am grateful.
Passion is unique to everyone. Some are fine with just enough self-fulfillment, while others would set themselves on fire for what they love. The problem with my passion is that it spreads itself throughout my whole life. It does not exist solely on the mat. I feel passion towards writing, training, competing, eating, connecting with people, inspiring people. ALL OF IT DAMNIT. So it’s very hard for me to focus entirely on one aspect without leaving time for anything else. That’s why MMA is awesome because it’s more project oriented and if all goes to plan, you have fight camps that set apart times where your complete focus is expected. And it’s easier to tell your other commitments to hold their horses so you can be selfish for an allotted amount of time.
Let me paint the picture of my life right now:
My commute from my house to Black House MMA is about 1:20 in traffic on 3-5 freeways (think “The Californians” skit on SNL). It’s even longer when I drive home. So in order to cut down on the commute and to have better access to all my training, my friend Rebecca moved her tear-drop trailer down to the gym parking lot for me to sleep in like she did all last year in San Diego. I spend all my time in the gym, until I sleep at night.
I don’t need a full kitchen because I’m sponsored by Michelle Caraballo and her company Meals by Michelle. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, all prepared for me during the week. This is one of the most important sponsorships I could ask for because I don’t enjoy cooking and when I did meal prep, it was the same recipe divided into ten meals.
My training is set up for 6 days a week. I train striking with Juan Gomez, aka Brazilian Samurai MMA, every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I train wrestling with Kenny Johnson of Bolt Wrestling every Monday and Wednesday. Friday is sparring day. Every training session starts at 10 and goes to about 12/12:30.
I train strength and conditioning at Standout Performance, which is in the back of Black House and actually closer to my trailer. The facility has both Rene Estrada and Matt Cooper of Rewire Performance as trainers available to me. I work with either of them at least 4 days a week. I’ve posted a lot of the workouts on my Insta so you can check them out there. Weird shit sometimes but it works and it’s completely geared to my body, my strengths, my goals. I also work with Ron of Synergistic Health time to time for recovery injury treatment.
I have training partners who are already professional fighters:
And fellow amateurs:
On the weekends I spend time with my mom, sister, and brother-in-law, usually by watching fights.
My life isn’t as glamorous or adventurous as it once was, gallivanting around other continents for months at a time, sleeping on couches, training wherever I wanted, competing whenever I wanted, teaching seminars.
Photo by @vagabondarchive
My life now is so centered on this goal of fighting MMA and I found an amazing team that has currently staved off my appetite for wandering. I train hard, I see improvement in every training session. I train like a professional and I haven’t even fought yet.
Speaking of which, my first fight will be at Spar Star Promotions 44 at the Commerce Casino on July 6. I’ll have more details later. It’s an amateur fight and begins the journey in the cage.
So I’m loving my life right now, despite having no money, no boyfriend, no back up plans, because I live in my gym. Haaaaaaa.
Where I've been is not where I'm going
Have you ever dropped everything to chase a dream? What about dropping everything again, just to change the direction of that dream. Given up future plans, relationships, bonds, comfort? I did. And apparently I’m addicted to it at this point.
Have you ever dropped everything to chase a dream? What about dropping everything again, just to change the direction of that dream. Given up future plans, relationships, bonds, comfort? I did. And apparently I’m addicted to it at this point.
Today marks two years that I’ve been back home in California. I moved to NYC in 2014 after I graduated college to end the long distance aspect of my 1.5 year relationship. I was moving closer to my love, getting the chance to train under Marcelo Garcia, and move out on my own. It was an adventure.
I had a best friend and we were together through everything. The hour-long train commutes between training and home, the cooking and cleaning, the errands, the tough daily training at MGA, the traveling, the seminars and competitions, the wins and losses, the hardships and triumphs. We were together nearly 24/7 and that was great. But my life lacked passion.
One time our landlord made a suggestion towards an engagement by mentioning how past tenants had made that commitment while living in our apartment prior to us. We had looked at each other, shrugged, and said, “do you wanna get married?” As if to communicate that it must be the next logical step in the game of life but we would more or less have been forced to do it by some set standard. Three years of dating? Living together? Have future plans? Cool, you should just make it legally binding.
Engagements and marriages should be spurred by the idea that you can’t possibly live without this person. And while we were inseparable at the time, it was mostly out of comfort. The passion wasn’t there. And it ended.
The original plan was to sell everything and move to California together so we could live rent free with my mom, train with Cobrinha, and save money to open an academy. And within a month of our departure, we called it off. Since we had planned to drive cross country, I had set up a bunch of seminars along the way. So we flew into Ohio, rented a car, and ended in Oklahoma.
We flew home separate ways. Just like that, as if we were just going to be long distance again because I had to go back to my coast, and he his. It never felt like a break up because we remained friends and saw each other often at competitions.
That was Halloween 2016. My mom picked me up from the airport and we stopped at a restaurant to pick up some food. And while waiting for the order I just started bawling. What the fuck had I just done? I left my relationship, my friends, my apartment, my cat, my academy and training partners, and my east coast family. Something told me to start over and so I did. But not first without mourning what I had lost.
It wasn’t taken from me. It wasn’t that it fell apart or it wasn’t meant to be. Maybe I could have stayed and been the girlfriend and the manager and maybe I’d have this partnership, but it wasn’t the passion-filled adventure I wanted. I had been accused of never being satisfied. If that's what I was, if that’s what I am, then so be it. I’ll just never settle.
If you’re wondering if I ever found that passion in the last two years, I did in multiple ways: teaching seminars, traveling the world solo, becoming a public speaker for mental health awareness, building my name in the jiu jitsu community, and a few dating flings. When you find a passionate connection with a person, it’s great until you realize that passion without commitment is a waste of time. So that’s that.
What I really want to highlight is my ability to push forward as a female in a male dominated sport and shine because of my accomplishments and personality. Without the need to connect to a bigger name or have anyone manage my business for me.
During my time in NYC and even prior, I was working as a member of the media in the jiu jitsu community putting my writing/photography skills and lurking abilities to use. But I wanted to be known more for my accomplishments on the mat instead of on the side of it.
Imagine me reporting the result of every female black belt match at Pans and Worlds, hoping to one day be in that exact position? I started jiu jitsu because I wanted to compete and be a champ. My career up to that point wasn’t bad. I was ranked in the top ten of every belt up to brown belt. A taste of gold here and there, at Nogi Worlds, Europeans, and other notable comps, but nothing that put me in the headlines. Instead, I was the one writing those headlines.
So when I moved home I organized a European tour for after the European Championship using my connections and managerial skills I gained while organizing seminars for others. I was a female brown belt and I taught seminars in Wales, Dublin, Paris, Madrid, and Barcelonas
I owe a lot to Julien Cafetao in Paris because he put together a seminar for me in two days. While I was hanging in London I wanted to take the high speed train to Paris. So within the first contact with Julien he agreed to advertise a seminar for me to fund my visit. When I arrived, my hotel was near the academy but also near the Eiffel Tower. I dropped my bags off, walked towards the monument until it began making an appearance peaking around the buildings. That approach is a moment I will always remember for the rest of my life. I was officially an international, one woman team making my mark on the jiu jitsu community by sharing my knowledge to the world. And getting paid for it. As a brown belt. As a female. Julien gathered 25 people for my workshop and I am forever grateful to him for, without realizing, helping me achieve a milestone.
Since then, I have taught seminars in:
California
Nebraska
New Hampshire
Washington DC
Virginia
Tennessee
Florida
New York
New Jersey
Nevada
Missouri
Pennsylvania
and
Costa Rica
Iceland
Spain
Wales
Ireland
France
Hong Kong
Brazil
Colombia
South Korea
Australia
New Zealand
Canada
Denmark
How I did this:
I connect with people. Working for Graciemag made it easy for me to interview the best in the world as well as various academy owners throughout the world. I also spent time working with Budovideos, IBJJF, Vulkan, Koral, FloGrappling, and more.
If you want to go somewhere, accomplish something, just ask. If you ask me how I got seminars, I’ll tell you that I simply reached out through social media and asked.
The easiest way is to ask an existing friend or connection to introduce you with your intentions. And it goes from there.
Also, you need to know your worth. Know what you want to charge, know how to get around by yourself and book all your travel alone. You can’t always rely on people to accommodate you, although most people will when you’re traveling internationally. I’m sure many can attest to that.
I don’t want to make this too much of a how-to article. I just want to share where I came from and where I’ve been.
There’s plenty more to the story. But this date brings up a lot of turmoil for me, both good and bad. I get to see the pain I had to go through to be where I am, constantly moving.
I’m currently making a whole new change to my life, chasing the mma lifestyle. I’ll write more about my transition soon.
Thank you for caring about my life, my career, my message. Thank you for reading my heart and soul and supporting me.
Australia Tour 2018
So excited to be going down under for a big seminar tour!
For the first time, I’m going down to Australia and will be teaching multiple seminars. I leave tomorrow and I’m STOKED.
When my friend Nikki Lloyd-Griffiths, a purple belt from Melbourne, came to stay with me for three weeks before the World Championship, I realized how well we work together. Like a 24/7 partner, we both prepared for the tournament and enjoyed each other’s company. It gave me the idea to come to her neck of the woods and she proposed a tour. Fun for her, fun for me, and an opportunity to make money doing what I love.
So what started as a few Melbourne academies turned into a country-wide tour. Driving, flying domestically, hanging with friends, teaching seminars, classes, and private lessons. Hopefully petting some koalas and witnessing kangaroo brawls.
If you’re interested in attending any of the seminars, please contact the academies directly.
See you down unda, mate. (I know, eye roll)